Homeschooling

This post was inspired by my wife, who gave me some homework this morning. On top of taking care of the kids and doing my actual schoolwork, she gave me homework..... This one time I'm glad she did. She teaches in a local community college, and I can't remember if she had to watch this YouTube video for work, or was doing it on her own. She probably said, but sometimes I only catch every other word. (she talks a lot, she would even say so)

Anyways, I typed "Sir Ken Robinson" into the search bar, and clicked on the video labeled "Do Schools Kill Creativity". Having a British accent, the guy is just naturally funny (to me anyways), but he is also brilliant.

Sir Ken Robinson, Do Schools Kill Creativity?

To summarize, he is basically saying that our public school systems are not unlike an assembly line, creating millions of the same minded individuals, and thus squelching creativity. Those who don't conform to the system usually end up with some sort of label, and typically get medicated so they can conform. One of his examples was of a ballet dancer that (in the 1930's) probably would have been labeled ADHD if it 'existed' then. By taking her to a school where she could learn the way she needed to, she rose to her potential.

What are we doing to our kids?

I can honestly say that, at 36, I have no clue where my life is headed. The certainties exist. I have a lovely wife, and two wonderful children. Beyond that, I don't know where this ship is sailing to. Sometimes it bothers me. In kindergarten we are asked what we want to be when we grow up. I don't remember my answer. All throughout school we are pushed in one direction or another. We have aptitude tests to find out where our passions lie. I am sure at one point, probably in high school, I knew what I was passionate about. But I was pushed in a different direction. I failed out of my first college. I worked full time and went to another college, where I also failed out. I have been working ever since and still don't have my loans paid off. I am not unintelligent. But I just wasn't being taught the way I needed to learn. Next month I graduate from college with a 2 year business degree. (For some reason I am getting emotional about it) Society says that we are worthless unless we have abbreviations after our name or some framed document stating our level of college completed hanging on our wall. I think the only reason why I am able to do any schooling right now is because it is online and self paced (for the most part). I will finish up with somewhere around a 3.7 GPA. I am learning the way I need to learn, not the way society pushes our kids into learning. There aren't just a couple ways that people learn, I think everyone learns their own way. Thus why we are even entertaining the thought of homeschooling.

Its a big step for someone to want to school their own children. Its a big time commitment, as well as taking lots of patience. Unless you have more than a handful of children, its a great way to connect with them and teach them on a one-on-one level. Some kids can progress on their own fairly quickly, other kids will need that one-on-one guidance. Our public system cannot provide that, its just not possible in our do-more-with-less culture. We have class sizes of 25. 25 unique needs and ways of learning and we expect one teacher to handle it. I don't even know if I can handle my two yet.
One other reason is that I want my daughters to excel where they want to. If they love math, lets do math. If they love to read, for pete's sake let them read! Our public system has our kids getting up earlier than their little brains can handle, sitting still for 6-8 hours a day, and then coming home to do hours of homework.

We wonder why they can't sit still in class. At 36 I can't sit still for more than a half hour without being bored, unless I'm doing something I'm passionate about.

One of the criticisms of homeschooling is that some kids lack the social skills of public school kids. I think everyone's definition of "social skills" is different. My children will learn (from either myself or my wife) to respect people. One of the buzz words now is bullying. For as long as there has been school, there has been bullying at school. Don't misunderstand me, I am not for bullying. I was bullied. I went through many years of being called gay (I cant remember why) and not having any friends because of bullying. Homeschool kids can be bullied as well, but its very unlikely. My kids can learn about bullying but not be bullied. And while it is true that some homeschooled kids aren't as capable of speaking or interacting in public the way that those of us who went to through the assembly line do, but who's to say that's a bad thing? My children wont learn about sex in third grade, at least not the way I learned about it. (by overhearing conversations on the bus). My children wont be propositioned to take drugs in fifth grade when they are really incapable of understanding what a mistake it could be. (yes, that's happening now) Not all 12 year olds are ready to learn about sex and drugs and whatever else the assembly line is teaching at that age now.

And before you ask, yes, my kids are vaccinated..... My wife and I didn't do it because Big Brother said we had to. We made the decision that it was what was best for our children. I bring this up because when asked the other day by someone who will remain nameless about schooling, they said "if you are homeschooling, why are you vaccinating?" Do I think people who are anti-vaccinations are crazy? Absolutely not. As parents we should be able to make that decision.

I don't have anything else to say right now, but definitely go check out Sir Ken Robinson!

Partnership Parenting

Some of you that know me well, may be a bit surprised by some of the things I am going to say, however I am going to say it anyways....

What does Partnership Parenting mean? In our household it means that my wife and I work together. Whether you like it or not, there are only two ways. Together or separate. Even at age two, our daughter Emerson will ask for something from her mother, and if she gets a "no" then she asks me. This is a pivotal moment in her growth as a child. If I give her a different answer, she will forever remember that she can play us, parent against parent.

Long ago, probably while Emerson was still in the womb, my wife and I made the decision to work together, to partnership parent.

Do we disagree? All. The. Time. We generally save that for when we are out of earshot of our children, if possible. I am over anxious. I feel my wife is just the opposite. My first go-to is discipline. Where my wife's first go-to is talking through things. We are the yin and yang of our small family. (Just to make you all feel at ease, I don't beat my children)

I don't know what I believe is the best parenting style. Mine is obviously discipline oriented, my wife's is not. Maybe it is because I am the parent that is here with the children all the time and she is the one who works. Or maybe its the way we were raised. Either way, it works for us. It may not work for everyone, but it works for us!

Edit:
I chickened out when I first posted this. The reason why I mentioned at the beginning that some people would be surprised by the post is that I don't believe parenting should be reserved for heterosexual couples. This isn't necessarily a "christian" way to think.
I came from a family that wasn't perfect, my parents had their troubles off and on, my dad even moved out for a short period. There are divorces in both my family and my wifes family.
I know a lesbian couple who have a child, I know many single parents, I know of gay couples with children. What matters most to the child isn't any of the baggage that we bring to the table, or our sexual orientation, its the love we provide. The only thing a child shouldn't have to worry about is if their parent(s) love them unconditionally. Sure there are times (just this morning in fact) that I was kicked out of bed at 4am and I was grumbling about it. But it doesn't change the way I love any of my family. 

Post number 1...

This isn't my first blog. My wife and I share one that we started around the birth of our first child. We also created one to sell our last house. My wife has her own blog now, so I figured maybe it was time to start my own as well. I am so full of stuff to share, some actual experiences I have had over the last two years as a stay at home parent, and some is useless knowledge.

A little background on me/us. My wife and I met somewhere around 15 years ago. We dated for about 4 years and then were married. The time in my life that I met my wife was a crossroads. If I hadn't met my wife when I did, who knows where I would be. I've always considered myself "christian", but at the time we met, I certainly wasn't acting like one. My wife centered and grounded me. I was eager to follow her wherever she led me. She led me back to Jesus. I know it sounds cliche, but its absolutely true.

I could take this blog post a number of ways from here, but I will just keep it on background. After dating for about 2 weeks, my wife's parents sat me down and asked what my intentions were with their daughter. See, I was 21 and she was 17. My wife's father told me that he remembered what was going through his mind at 21, and wanted to make sure that he showed me the door if that was what I wanted from their daughter. At 21, I certainly hadn't "sewed my oats", but I had been in numerous dead end relationships, and I saw something different in this girl (Shawna by the way). I didn't really tell them at the time, that I knew after our second "date" that she was "the one". I did tell them that if our relationship was to go further than dating in the future, that I would be more than happy to wait until she finished college.

Fast forward a few years. I realized that even though we both knew we would be married one day, that I hadn't actually asked her to marry me. I went to the local jewelers with Shawna, and we discussed her likes in engagement rings (what can I say, she is practical and I knew she would be happier having some say in what she would wear forever). Just before our church Valentines day dinner, I popped the question. Well sort-of... I just kind of handed it to her. She then nervously asked me why I wasn't on my knee. Even though we had been nearly inseparable for 3+ years, I was so nervous I couldn't speak, so my answer to that was just handing her the ring! Obviously the rest is history.

Fast forward a few more years. We had been living in a house we bought, gutted, and fully renovated for a few years when we decided that maybe we should have children. This was a major decision for us. For the longest time we had decided that we wouldn't have children because the world is a scary place. The world didn't become less scary to us, but we just knew we would be missing out on something big if we didn't at least try to have our own children. After 2 years of trying, we thought we just weren't capable. We decided to get a dog, which turned into 2 dogs. No, the dog didn't magically split in two, when we got there we decided that we just had to have both.

And not 6 months later we became pregnant.... It was certainly a joyous occasion. The pregnancy went well, and 3 days after Christmas my wife delivered a healthy little girl.... And then a year later we became pregnant again (its amazing how "things" happen when you aren't trying). My wife's second pregnancy went wonderfully as well, and delivered another healthy little girl. At this point, we have a 2 year old (2 years and 3 months to be exact), and a 6 month old.

The point of this blog is to give people an inside view of what it is like to be a stay at home parent. (After being a part of facebook groups on both sides, stay at home mom groups because there aren't many dad groups, and stay at home dad groups, I find that they are kind of discriminatory. I don't feel its any less, or any more difficult to be a stay at home dad, than it would be a stay at home mom, so I choose to say "stay at home parent".) So, I became a stay at home parent when I left my last job, which probably would have been the place that I either retired from, or killed me. Parts of the job were great, parts were so stressful that I'm not sure how I lasted as long as I did. I couldn't see spending half of my salary (or my wife's salary, but she liked her job) on child care, never see my kids, have someone else raising them, and still be as stressed out as I was. I am not saying that being a stay at home parent is easy and stress free, its just different stress. I get to see my kids learn, cry, smile, instead of making someone else money while making very little.

So, now that you have been mostly filled in as to where life has taken my family and I, hopefully you will share in our journey and keep reading. I promise that there will be more humor and emotion in subsequent posts!